secretramblingsofapastorswife

You might have noticed that my page has changed. This blog used to be called "raising toby." My Facebook page used to be called, "Pray for Toby." And now all that has changed. You see as Toby grows I start to lose some of what I felt was my story to share. As Toby gets older my voice that has told the story becomes his voice that tells the story. It's no longer my story to share. I am part of the first generation of "blogging parents."  I'm still figuring this whole thing out in the age of social media galore and ways to pour your heart out and honestly I haven't figured it out yet. I don't want to look back in 10 years and have to apologize for what I put up. So what I'm doing is leaning towards caution. Leaning towards quiet and leaning towards respect. One day Toby will be preteen Toby. One day Toby will be teen Toby and one day Toby will be man Toby. Will all those Tobys want me sharing his story for all to see? I don't kn

When you feel like someone/something wrecked your life. There are times in my life when I've felt like its been wrecked. (when what I think should be the path gets derailed or changed or straight up messed with.) There are moments when I've handled it with grace and with all the correct words, phrases and verses we love to use. There are moments when I've handled it with a straight up junky attitude. There are moments when I'm somewhere in between. Ever since the Lego movie has been out and I've heard it (in my mini van) 1737 times there is a quote that gets stuck in my head. It's when President Business says, "YOU WRECKED IT!" And that's sometimes how I feel. I felt like my life was on a specific path when God wrecked my life, my plans and the direction my family was going in. The problem is sometimes the wrecking doesn't feel like God. Sometimes it feels like specific individuals and/or events that make choices that affect your family.

I'm sitting here on the night before my anniversary just reflecting and mentally looking back at the past 12 years. This isn't written pretty and I'm typing on my tablet so just go with it. We've had an awesome 12 years together and I've laughed till I've cried and I've just plain cried. We've done big things like Disney for our honeymoon and small things like walking around Target looking into the awful magnification mirrors in the beauty section. (don't do that its awful) We went to college together and took Greek together while being married. Ẃe worked at GAP together and you were my boss for a little while. We started helping in a church plant in the youth together.  So many things that were such a big part of our lives and part of what has shaped us to be who ẃe are. I'll never forget making a bologna sandwich for you and having no idea that I needed to take the red part off. That first year when you ate all my burnt food except the bu

So I had quite a few friends share this story and I've seen praise after praise for this woman.  And I get it. I really really get it.  I do.   But Holy Moly that story rubbed me the wrong way! If you don't want to read the story Ill give you my general run down. First of all Morgan (the woman the story is about) posted the story on her own facebook page. Rubbing me wrong right here.  Its one thing to do something like this and have someone "catch" you in the act, its quite another to share a long emotionally driven post about it. Secondly, can we just stop and say What the what??!! The man refused and she pushed his wheelchair anyways!!!  Let us all bow down and call you hero. Let us place flowers on your head and share your story in as many emotional ways as possible. You are amazing!   I just cant. When I read that all I could picture was Toby. Toby when he refuses help and someone wont listen to him. Toby when all he wants to do is be the one to hold the

If there is ONE thing the combo of ministry and special needs has taught me its to ask this question. What if the tables were turned? There is just so much benefit to asking that question! There is so much GRACE when life is viewed through that question! There is less judgement, more thought, less fighting and more understanding, less hurt feelings and more compassion. When my feelings get hurt... When I get frustrated about something...When I think someone handled something poorly....If I can just stinking remember to ask myself.... What if? What if I were the friend with the abled body kids? Would it be hard for me to always go to their house because I knew it was easier on them? Would it be hard to know that every outing with them was so much more work then an outing with another friend? Would it be worth it to me to try to offer encouragement and possibly offend? Would I want my kids to sit on the sidelines to play instead of getting their energy out at the park? W

So All I wanted in life was to look like Whippy Cake....okay well Becky from whippy cake. shes gorgeous. she has awesome hair... truly awesome. always. I dont think the chick knows what a bad hair day is. for real. follow her on instagram. she is awesome. So finally after having long hair for the first time ever. I chopped it off. CHOP CHOP CHOP.  and it was horrible. I avoided any and all camera for the first 6 weeks.  It finally started to grow. This post is just a fun little documentation of growing out a pixie cut. because really its a challenge and it took some doing and really im not even all the way to the its officially grown out stage. So first there was this. Granted this was after at least 6 weeks of grow out. (you can just imagine how short it was) Try the pin the bangs back and go for smooth without looking like a boy. Earrings and extra makeup were a must. Then there was rocker chick USA. It was getting too long to smooth without looking lik