Sunday, May 8, 2011

mother's day for me

wow it's been a while!!! since January!!! awww im a bad blogger!!
well, mother's day a good day to start back.

I'm sitting here at the end of the day, a long day. All the kids are in bed, hopefully sleeping and I just read a great post over at the SBkids blog and it just got me thinking.

You know something makes me proud, prouder than usual on mother's day. It's being a mom of a child with special needs. I'll be honest there have been times I want to hide those needs from the world. (not my best moments) but then there all times when I want to shout it. Mother's day makes me want to shout it.
I go through most days just living life, just doing what we do. Dealing with therapists galore, doctor's appointments, new medical junk, finding place for new medical junk, braces, splints, scolosis. and I just deal and keep going. There are few friends that have the ummmmm bad chance of answering their phone when I'm having a bad day. You know, those bad days when you feel sorry for yourself and all that you do. When you sit down adn realize that your normal is not actually normal. When you wish it was. When you get sick of a new diagnosis, new problem, question about why, stares from strangers. Those bad days. The ones that gut punch you and then you feel really really stinking and jerky for feeling them. Then you have to call that friend back and apologize for complaining. bummer. Then you go through your most days again, just doing what you do.
Well, lets see if I can explain this. Mother's day to me is like one of those bad days but with an awesome twist. I know weird, right? Well, kind of like I'm aware that my normal isnt normal. I'm aware of the craziness, the diagnosis, the questions, the stares, but instead of feeling down and complaining. I kind of wear it like a badge. I'm a mommy. I'm a mommy to 3 almost 4 amazing children. But more than that I am a mommy to a child who needs me soo much more. I'm a mommy to a child who might be tough at times, but in the end is so worth it. I'm a mommy to a child that helps me see strength. I'm a mommy to a child that lets me witness miracles. I'm a mommy a child who one day (like the post on the SBkids blog) might just realize parts of what I've done as his mommy. So instead of being frustrating, scary and something that on those bad days I want to hide from. It's a day I want to shout it from the roof tops. Look at me!! I'm his mommy!! I get to be his mommy!!! Toby proves to me everyday how worth it all of it is. And I am reminded of that on mother's day. So completely and totally worth it. So yea I'm a mommy to a special needs kid. and you know what. I think that's pretty awesome!