Saturday, July 27, 2013

Honesty

COME ON! You knew it was coming didn't you?? I couldn't do a week like this past one with out a blog post! That would be practically sinful! The problem is there is no starting point. Not really. Its kind of all mushed together in a series of events. But with the Summer being what it has been, like I said, It feels like there is no beginning to start the story. Most of you know from Facebook posts, and The pray for Toby page all the fun...so Ill spare you the long of it. Between Toby's surgery, Nate leaving for Guatemala, Air conditioners breaking, wheelchair delivered unusable, Cell phones getting lost and found in a busy parking lot and miraculously not smashed, a very discouraged Toby, major contractions with a call to the doctor, and the normal life of having 4 kids and being pregnant. ...its been a few days. Ill admit to some Whys coming into my mind. Why one more thing? Why this? Why now? Why why why why why??? Don't you think we've all learned enough Lord? Don't you think we've had enough teaching for a few months? Obviously not : ) I didn't have time to even process everything enough to sit down and cry. The hard part for me personally is this....here comes some brutal honesty. My husband, being the Assistant Pastor just gets back from a week of teen camp. Spending time with old college friends that are in the ministry, studying, watching kids make decisions, listening to preaching, watching prayers get answered. MOUNTAIN TOP (don't get me wrong I know there are hard parts too, like the bus drive, and the heat, and the lack of sleep) Then he comes home and leaves again for Guatemala. Feeding orphans, building an orphanage, watching teens life change, singing, spending time with people in ministry, hiking up a Volcano, seeing the world. MOUNTAIN TOP (again obviously there are hard part too, I'm not oblivious to this fact)
But here it seems that this is life for a pastors wife. Her husband goes off and gets these Mountaintop experiences. Pastor's conferences, England, Guatemala, Philippines, Camps, Lives being changed, encouragement being had, things being worked through. He gets to go through these mountaintop experiences with other people from our church. Teens, helpers, adults, pastors. He gets closer, He knows them, He learns about them, He prays for them. And then there is me through these experiences. He's on Mount Amazing Spiritual land and where I am.... The Valley of Diapers and Discipline. (and broken air, and sad kids, and wheelchairs that don't work, therapy, lesson plans, screaming toddlers) He comes back exhausted, but excited, encouraged, revived. He comes home to exhausted, overwhelmed, depleted Me. I think if us Pastors wife would be honest. THIS IS HARD. Its a hard pill to swallow. Especially if for years all you dreamed of was being in ministry. And then ministry looks not much different then the walls of your home. I think this is why Pastors wives get burned out maybe more than even Pastors. Its hard to do the leaving, but I think its even harder to be the one left behind. How do I keep from being that Pastors wife? I have to stay focused on Who I am serving, How I am serving and Why I am serving. I have to remind myself that THIS is my ministry. This is where God placed me. This is the disciples He has given me. This is His will. His way. His plan. And it is Beautiful. And it is meaningful. And it has purpose. And yet those mountaintops sure do look nice sometimes. “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men.” Ephesians 6:7 “Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:11-12