Monday, December 23, 2013

a week from today

A week from today.

A week from today we should know something. SOMETHING!!  at least more than what we know now.

A week from today Wren has her eye appointment with her ophthalmologist.

A week from today I'm hoping to stop constantly wondering.

A week from today I am hoping to stop doing my own "what can she see" tests.

A week from today we might rejoice and high five.
A week from today we might mourn.

Its scary how a day can have the potential to change your life and the life of your children. (I say children because it affects all of them.)

We've been here before. We've sat waiting for an appointment. For news. For something. For more than we know now.

And we've mourned.

This time is different though because we are holding Wren. When we found out about Tobys Spina Bifida he was only in my tummy for 20 weeks. We still had 20 weeks to adjust, to mourn and to let life stop a little.

I wish life could just stop right now. I wish I had the time and space to mourn. I know we dont know yet, but honestly I feel like I do. I could be so wrong. I could come back in 8 days and go, WOW I was so wrong. She can see fine. But really I dont think that will be the case. I see her next to other babies and just know.

But oh I will happily eat those words.

Just pray. As your life moves on and our life moves on. I'm asking you to pray. I dont want to hear how she will be fine. How God will heal her. How we shouldnt worry. I just ask you to pray.

This is the scary place. This is the terrifying place. This is the place of constant wonders, what ifs and what will we dos.  We will be past this place in a week.

We will be in a new place. But right now that place is scary because that place in unknown. 

Wednesday, December 18, 2013


We are a desperate bunch.

Us Christian Moms. We try so hard to do it all and be it all.

At least I am. Join me in the description or not but good grief I know there are times when I reach the point of pure desperation.

Most of the time I'm desperate for fixes or something that will make me feel not so alone in my struggle. How to fix this? How to help this kid do? How to help be a better wife? How can I be a better mother? How can I stop yelling? How can I be more grace filled? How can I home school better? How can I point my kids to the true meaning of Christmas? How can I be a fun mom? How can I ____________________ fill in your blank.

I sit in there in pure desperation and I read and I read. I find blogs, articles, videos and anything I can get my hands on and I read it. How to pray for your husband. How to not yell. How to be a hand-free non cell phone loving mama . (being read on my cell phone and loving it) How to have strength through hard times. How to have grace when your kids spill one more thing. Its all out there. And its just waiting for my desperate little heart to read.

And oh us Christian Moms how we love to hit the "share" button. We love to share our wisdom. Our newest article. Our latest video. Our newest lesson that we have learned from all we have gleaned on the internet. Which isnt bad because really when you find some HOPE you want to hold it and SHOW it to OTHERs who might just need it too.

But when was the last time we sat and truly studied the Bible? When did we get so excited about wisdom gleaned from Gods word? When did I share a verse that God specifically spoke to me about? Oh we will quote John Piper and Ann Voskamp to each other and feel so good and about ourselves. We might even pat ourselves on the back for our utterly deep theology. But when did we get excited about the true study of the Word. Not someone telling us what it means and why it means it. But US studying it out and really finding out what it means. Not an app, not a devotional, not a quick check off our list. But true study and worship.

Because really we are a desperate group. We are constantly searching, finding, sharing, talking and discussing. But when our we going to be desperate enough for the WORD?

Recently and I mean very recently. I got desperate. Truly desperate. Overwhelmed and no way out desperate.  I set down my dumb devotional that focused on things like the holy spirit literally looking like a dove. (say what!?? it says "like a dove") and threw down all my beautiful freedom in Christ to do whatever I wanted book. I set down my phone with all my pretty little apps and distractions (because really instagram was calling to me the whole time I read anything in my Bible) and picked up my Bible. And to be perfectly honest picked up a light green crayon. (cause crayons actually highlite beautifully in the Bible) and started to read. Desperately reading and searching for the answer to my questions because yes some blogs out there are good, some articles out there are great and there are plenty of videos to get me to shed a bunch of tears, but I can now scream from personal experience THERE IS NOTHING LIKE THE BIBLE!!! 

So next time you are feeling desperate, can I ask you to get even more desperate? Bypass the blogs, the articles, the videos and the books. And pick up the ONE BOOK. The only Book that really truly has the answers. And then SHARE it. Maybe its not the awesome article that everyone will go oooooooh and awwww. Maybe you wont get multiple comments. But maybe just maybe you might encourage someone else to get desperate enough for their Bible. And maybe just maybe they will share it. And maybe we will see less of John Piper and Ann Voskamp and more of Jesus Christ.

Because Jesus Christ is in the business of changing lives.