a week from today

A week from today.

A week from today we should know something. SOMETHING!!  at least more than what we know now.

A week from today Wren has her eye appointment with her ophthalmologist.

A week from today I'm hoping to stop constantly wondering.

A week from today I am hoping to stop doing my own "what can she see" tests.

A week from today we might rejoice and high five.
or
A week from today we might mourn.

Its scary how a day can have the potential to change your life and the life of your children. (I say children because it affects all of them.)

We've been here before. We've sat waiting for an appointment. For news. For something. For more than we know now.

And we've mourned.

This time is different though because we are holding Wren. When we found out about Tobys Spina Bifida he was only in my tummy for 20 weeks. We still had 20 weeks to adjust, to mourn and to let life stop a little.

I wish life could just stop right now. I wish I had the time and space to mourn. I know we dont know yet, but honestly I feel like I do. I could be so wrong. I could come back in 8 days and go, WOW I was so wrong. She can see fine. But really I dont think that will be the case. I see her next to other babies and just know.

But oh I will happily eat those words.

Just pray. As your life moves on and our life moves on. I'm asking you to pray. I dont want to hear how she will be fine. How God will heal her. How we shouldnt worry. I just ask you to pray.

This is the scary place. This is the terrifying place. This is the place of constant wonders, what ifs and what will we dos.  We will be past this place in a week.

We will be in a new place. But right now that place is scary because that place in unknown. 

Comments

Pat said…
Continuing to lift her up to our loving Father!!
December 23, 2013 at 1:18 PM
Schuylar Crist said…
Ever keeping all of you in our prayers in the Crist household. God is in control and He will see it all through according to His plan. Keep trusting...
December 23, 2013 at 6:57 PM
Bethany L. said…
Oh, Kari, I am praying, praying, and I will have David and others PRAY too.
I didn't know this was your fear. May God hold you this week in His loving arms of Peace.
December 26, 2013 at 7:09 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Wanting you to see both sides of the coin

So the last couple posts have been pretty incredible. And I am thankful. But I also want to be honest and want you to have a glimpse of both sides of the coin. Tonight was a great night. We spent time with great friends and had some wonderful conversations. However, Tonight had its sadness also. Tonight, Toby realized something or at least he voiced it for the first time. There was a baby at our house that had just turned one. He was walking around like a champ. Super cute. Toby realized the difference. At first it was just a quick sentence. "The baby is standing." and then throughout the night it progressed. "The baby is walking." And then a little more. "The baby is walking without a walker." My heart is genuinely heavy tonight. Its hard to say all around sad, because it was a good night. But just heavy. After Toby thought these things through he said, "I am going to walk without my walker." And then he tried. Needless to say it didnt quite wor...
Read more

a moment of triumph

Im having a rough day. One of those nothing goes quite according to plan cause ive been at appointments with Toby. Trying to homeschool, now juggle 6 therapy sessions a week and any other extra appointments are taking a toll on my emotional and mental stability.!! So instead of sharing all my woes with you and sitting and feeling very very sorry for myself. I'm going to share a happy moment. I hope that people from my church family will especially enjoy this. Since our Pastor has been doing the "kids choir" every Sunday morning Ive enjoyed and not enjoyed it. Of course I love seeing all the kids up there and I love watching Gracie so proudly march up there to sing and all of my friends kids. But there was always someone missing. And that someone sat right next to me, (well sometimes, sometimes he prefered the smyer family) : ) Toby would never go up. The first time he tried he started making it that way and I honestly saw the shock of stairs and kids running hit him. It ...
Read more

Toby with those arm crutches

Wednesday night we had our first teen meeting of the school year at church. We started off with praying for each other. THe girls and the guys split off. I ask all the girls to pray for Toby as he keep working on his arm crutches. (he hates them) So we sat there I heard all those girls pray specifcally for Toby. AMAZING!! The next day I sure had some fire under my tail to get him working even harder. And thats's the day it happened. I left his walker in the car (which I used to do when he first go it because I hated using it so much) we finally had a break though. We even took them to a store today and outside!! He's doing really well... And dont even try to tell me it wasnt because of having that prayer time!! ps I told Toby about all the ten girls praying for his arm crutches. All day he said, "really?" "For real?" and then he woudl say " tell me the story again how they prayed for me."
Read more