Wednesday, March 14, 2012

please read

It has been a while since Ive written here. Okay a ridiculously long while. But I havent given up on blogging. My computer has been ummm weird to say the least and well when it takes 2 hours to type something that should take 25 minutes it kinda makes it not seem worth it to blog. (especially with four kids)

However, Its time to write regardless of what the computer is doing.

I’ve had lots of time to think on how to word this and honestly Ive hesitated on a number of occasions to write this in fear of it “coming out the wrong way.” But its now or never right?

So let me tell you one thing first. I am a supporter of Spina Bifida Organizations. I know they are helpful. I know that people work hard to raise money for these organizations. I know that SBA helps people with spina bifida. Spina Bifida is close to my heart. As is cancer and autism. I’m sure lots of you remember me selling shirts to raise money for awareness of SBA. I still believe in those shirts making a difference. I believe things like that save lives.

I say all this as a background for what I’m fixing to say. So that hopefully it all comes out right.

Somewhere along the way I lost my footing. I got so focused on a cause. I began to develop opinions and thoughts and my priorities all got out of whack.

Its easy you see to not realize that your views are changing and the things you are saying are contrary to what your belief system truly is. Sometimes they just sneak right in before you know it.

So here goes. The most important thing in my life is not Spina Bifida or the association. The most important thing in my life is not raising money for cancer research or awareness of autism. The most important thing in my life is Jesus Christ and my personal relationship with him. The most important thing in my life is sharing the amazing true story of the gospel.

This should dictate what I talk about, how I spend my time, and what goals I have.
This should also dictate what I talk about with Toby, how Toby spends his time and what goals Toby has.

If you had asked me a few months ago what goals Toby has I could have shot off a list to you.
1. Walking better
2. Being confident
3. Trying new sports
4. Getting better at handwriting
5. Learning reading
6. Getting stronger
7. Building his core muscles
And the list could go on and on.

But what wasn’t on my list surprised me. What I wasn’t focusing on shocked the pants off me.

Where was the list I used to want.

1. To be Loving
2. To be forgiving
3. To have patience
4. To be godly
5. To love God
6. To be kind

The most important thing isn’t if and when and how long Toby walks. The most important thing isn’t how far Toby goes in special needs sports and how much time and effort we put into those things. (which is a lot of time and effort.) The single most important thing in raising Toby is the single most important thing in raising Milo and Vander.

1. I want Toby to grow up to be a Godly man who loves God.

How did I lose that???? How did I not remember that?? Within all the therapies, sports, and “yes you can” and “believe in yourself” stuff I hear I had lost sight of some stuff.

1. We are nothing apart from God.
2. We have no strength we out him
3. We are here to glorify him and to share the gospel.

My goals for Toby have been reorganized and rethought thanks to the grace of God who is so patient with me as I learn.

So are you quiting therapy? Never doing sports again? Never raising money for charities again? Absolutely not!!! Those things are all good things but I cant allow those good things to help me to lose my focus on the one TRUE thing in my life.

I’m thankful that I’m not figuring all this out when Toby is 15 instead of 5. I’m thankful that I’ve got some time to redo some things I’ve done.


Dear Toby,

Regardless of if you are in arm crutches, wheelchair, walker, or walking independently there is only one thing that is truly important. I want you to love God. It is not about how strong you get. It is not how hard you work. You are nothing apart from God. You have no strength except for what God gives us. Grow up to be a true man. A man who loves God.

Love,

Mommy


I hope that you understand where this comes from. If you don’t please ask. Please let me clarify. God might not have always been number one in my life. I might have lost my focus for a while. But God was patient and He was jealous for me. I am so thankful that God has helped me see now where my thinking was changing, where I was teaching Toby you can do whatever you set your mind to. Well, no its not about his mind or his strength. We can rely on God’s strength and God’s power. Do you want to know what I believe? Do you want to know more about my personal relationship with God?
Click here