So the last couple posts have been pretty incredible. And I am thankful.
But I also want to be honest and want you to have a glimpse of both sides of the coin.
Tonight was a great night. We spent time with great friends and had some wonderful conversations. However, Tonight had its sadness also.
Tonight, Toby realized something or at least he voiced it for the first time. There was a baby at our house that had just turned one. He was walking around like a champ. Super cute. Toby realized the difference.
At first it was just a quick sentence. "The baby is standing." and then throughout the night it progressed. "The baby is walking." And then a little more. "The baby is walking without a walker."
My heart is genuinely heavy tonight. Its hard to say all around sad, because it was a good night. But just heavy.
After Toby thought these things through he said, "I am going to walk without my walker." And then he tried. Needless to say it didnt quite work out in his favor.
I saw him realize the difference tonight. I saw him see his dependence on his walker and the lack of dependence this little baby had.
It was hard to watch and I wanted to take it away and not let him figure this out. However, I also know that this is also the way God works sometimes. Someday in the near future Milo will be walking, (he'll be one next month) and this will be a transition for Toby and for us. Maybe tonight was God's way of easing Toby into the transition and into the thought process. It is hard to think that his baby brother will be doing something that Toby is physically unable to do. It is hard, but it is part of our life.
As I write this I am reminded of our dependence for God. I'm also reminded of the fact that sometimes its very hard to admit our dependence for God. So maybe, God wants to use this as a reminder for me, and for all of us, that yes, it's not fun to always admit we are nothing without God. We can do nothing without the strength and the very breath that He gives us. But that is the way He designed us. We need a Savior and we need to be dependent on His Strength, His Grace, His Sacrafice and His Love.
So, yes I go to bed tonight with a heavy heart. But also with a heart reminded of how much I truly need my Savior.