I just can't

So I had quite a few friends share this story and I've seen praise after praise for this woman.  And I get it. I really really get it.  I do.  

But Holy Moly that story rubbed me the wrong way! If you don't want to read the story Ill give you my general run down.

First of all Morgan (the woman the story is about) posted the story on her own facebook page. Rubbing me wrong right here.  Its one thing to do something like this and have someone "catch" you in the act, its quite another to share a long emotionally driven post about it.

Secondly, can we just stop and say What the what??!! The man refused and she pushed his wheelchair anyways!!!  Let us all bow down and call you hero. Let us place flowers on your head and share your story in as many emotional ways as possible. You are amazing!   I just cant.

When I read that all I could picture was Toby. Toby when he refuses help and someone wont listen to him. Toby when all he wants to do is be the one to hold the door for someone and yet no one will let him. Toby who just wants to be left the stink alone. And this is just Toby as a child Toby. I cant imagine adult Toby in this situation.  I cant imagine my adult son just wanting to go grocery shopping and someone insisting on doing it all for him...PUSHING HIS CHAIR when he has said "no."

An adult with spina bifida the other day made a comment, she said. (and I'm paraphrasing cause really my memory is shot) I don't want to be your special needs trophy.

And boom. That was it. That's the phrase. The term. The let me barf in my mouth ideology.

When questioned the girl kept saying what a "humbling experience" all of this has been. Humbling enough to post about it?

I'm sorry I just cant jump on board. I cant wipe at my tears and smile and think awwwwwwww how sweet. Because all I can do is smile and think I hope Toby doesn't slug the person who tries that with him.

Don't make him your trophy.

And by the way over a year ago a man and his wife allowed Toby to hold the door for them without acting like it was a big deal. That is the hero. That is the humbling experience. That is when I smile with tears in my eyes. You are giving my son a chance to help not be helped. You are giving my child a chance to be a part of society and give back. Yea it was just a simple door hold, but seriously its been over a year..,possibly 2 or 3 and I still remember what this couple looks like.

So here it is. The opposite take on a story that I'm sure a lot of us have read about.  Maybe just think about both sides.  Maybe the no means no. And Ill give it to Morgan. I mean the man was touched. It worked out for her. But maybe the next time the no really really really means no and maybe you are robbing someone of their dignity and human experience by refusing to allow them to do it themselves.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Wanting you to see both sides of the coin

So the last couple posts have been pretty incredible. And I am thankful. But I also want to be honest and want you to have a glimpse of both sides of the coin. Tonight was a great night. We spent time with great friends and had some wonderful conversations. However, Tonight had its sadness also. Tonight, Toby realized something or at least he voiced it for the first time. There was a baby at our house that had just turned one. He was walking around like a champ. Super cute. Toby realized the difference. At first it was just a quick sentence. "The baby is standing." and then throughout the night it progressed. "The baby is walking." And then a little more. "The baby is walking without a walker." My heart is genuinely heavy tonight. Its hard to say all around sad, because it was a good night. But just heavy. After Toby thought these things through he said, "I am going to walk without my walker." And then he tried. Needless to say it didnt quite wor...
Read more

a moment of triumph

Im having a rough day. One of those nothing goes quite according to plan cause ive been at appointments with Toby. Trying to homeschool, now juggle 6 therapy sessions a week and any other extra appointments are taking a toll on my emotional and mental stability.!! So instead of sharing all my woes with you and sitting and feeling very very sorry for myself. I'm going to share a happy moment. I hope that people from my church family will especially enjoy this. Since our Pastor has been doing the "kids choir" every Sunday morning Ive enjoyed and not enjoyed it. Of course I love seeing all the kids up there and I love watching Gracie so proudly march up there to sing and all of my friends kids. But there was always someone missing. And that someone sat right next to me, (well sometimes, sometimes he prefered the smyer family) : ) Toby would never go up. The first time he tried he started making it that way and I honestly saw the shock of stairs and kids running hit him. It ...
Read more

Toby with those arm crutches

Wednesday night we had our first teen meeting of the school year at church. We started off with praying for each other. THe girls and the guys split off. I ask all the girls to pray for Toby as he keep working on his arm crutches. (he hates them) So we sat there I heard all those girls pray specifcally for Toby. AMAZING!! The next day I sure had some fire under my tail to get him working even harder. And thats's the day it happened. I left his walker in the car (which I used to do when he first go it because I hated using it so much) we finally had a break though. We even took them to a store today and outside!! He's doing really well... And dont even try to tell me it wasnt because of having that prayer time!! ps I told Toby about all the ten girls praying for his arm crutches. All day he said, "really?" "For real?" and then he woudl say " tell me the story again how they prayed for me."
Read more