Im having a rough day. One of those nothing goes quite according to plan cause ive been at appointments with Toby. Trying to homeschool, now juggle 6 therapy sessions a week and any other extra appointments are taking a toll on my emotional and mental stability.!!
So instead of sharing all my woes with you and sitting and feeling very very sorry for myself. I'm going to share a happy moment.
I hope that people from my church family will especially enjoy this.
Since our Pastor has been doing the "kids choir" every Sunday morning Ive enjoyed and not enjoyed it. Of course I love seeing all the kids up there and I love watching Gracie so proudly march up there to sing and all of my friends kids. But there was always someone missing. And that someone sat right next to me, (well sometimes, sometimes he prefered the smyer family) : ) Toby would never go up. The first time he tried he started making it that way and I honestly saw the shock of stairs and kids running hit him. It made my heart hurt so bad for him. He just broke down crying right there and turned his little walker around and sat down with me. That was it for him. He wasnt going to try it again. Every Sunday Pastor would announce the kids to come up, I would lean over and ask, "Toby do you want to sing?" He would say, "NO" and I wouldnt push it. I just left it alone even though I wanted to be the pushy, you will get over this fear right now, type of mommy. So every Sunday even though I loved it, I hated it because it always made it so obvious how hard things were for him. Things that werer so simple for the other kids and how he saw the difference.
Well about 3 or 4 weeks ago. I leaned over and asked. and He said, "Okay. I'll try it." I about died right there in my seat. I about had a panic attack. Luckily Jessica (toby's best teenager as he calls her) has always said that when he's ready she would take him. She was sitting 2 rows ahead. I got her attention and off she went with him. I love that she knew just what to do. She didnt hold him the whole time. She held him till he got comfortable and then put him down and held his hands so he could stand right with all the other kids. It was a moment of triumph. Such a small thing but it was amazing.Only a few people knew how much that moment meant. And every week since he's gone up without question. The last 2 weeks he's gone with his walker with different people helping every week.
There are so many aspects of this story I love. And even though its kind of a bummer day. I cant really help but have a sense of happiness when I think about it.
hopefully I'll post a picture soon