Sunday, November 1, 2015

when you feel like someone/something wrecked your life.

When you feel like someone/something wrecked your life.

There are times in my life when I've felt like its been wrecked. (when what I think should be the path gets derailed or changed or straight up messed with.)

There are moments when I've handled it with grace and with all the correct words, phrases and verses we love to use. There are moments when I've handled it with a straight up junky attitude. There are moments when I'm somewhere in between.

Ever since the Lego movie has been out and I've heard it (in my mini van) 1737 times there is a quote that gets stuck in my head. It's when President Business says, "YOU WRECKED IT!"
And that's sometimes how I feel. I felt like my life was on a specific path when God wrecked my life, my plans and the direction my family was going in. The problem is sometimes the wrecking doesn't feel like God. Sometimes it feels like specific individuals and/or events that make choices that affect your family. Oh, how every time something happens, goes wrong, becomes difficult, gets overwhelming I want to go back and yell out in my best President Business voice..."You wrecked it!"

And when I'm in the deep of that inward battle of feeling like life just got wrecked and I want to let whomever know about the wrecking they did I have to know one thing. This person/event/thing didn't wreck it without THE ONE allowing the change to happen. God isn't unaware of the wreck. He isn't up in heaven going "oh I missed that. Oh I wish I could have controlled that". God uses bad situations, even people making wrong choices and can "wreck our lives." So then when I'm mad and frustrated and overwhelmed and life seems hard who should I really be yelling at? God? Would I dare yell at God and let Him know how He wrecked my life. No way. I've grown up Baptist way too long to know not to do that. I'm a Pastor's Wife so I am definitely not at liberty to do that. However, when that's where my mind goes its kind of what I'm doing. My heart is saying, God wrecked this perfect plan.
Maybe its Spina Bifida, Eye Issues (because a new doctor wrecked our diagnosis), A baby I wasn't quite planning on, maybe a move away from a place I thought I would be forever, new doctors changing things up, a home that's not perfectly accessible. Maybe I feel like my life just got wrecked.

But it's not true. And I know it. I know that God knew. He knew about each and every event. Everything He's working together. He's making my story beautiful. He's not wrecking it. He's creating it. If I sit and allow myself to view things in my life as being messed up and not right then I can be missing out on the very things that God has allowed in my life to become the biggest blessings and the moments that allow me to grow the most.  I would never say now that my life was wrecked with Toby. Its hard, yes but its beautiful. So how could I look at anything else in my life and say the same?
I can miss out on so so much beauty in my life if I focus on what got "messed up." And there is so much beauty. So much goodness. God didn't allow imperfect people to wreck my perfect life. First of all my life was never perfect,(for real yall) but God did allow things in my life that from the outside that looked wrecked. He is creating a new story and a new chapter and when I look at it from HIS perspective this new story is Oh so beautiful and Oh so perfect. And exactly what I need to see His goodness and to show His glory. So its a choice. I can see my perfect plan wrecked or I can see it for what it is a beautiful plan that's part of my story. And you know what's pretty wonderful...when the realization hit that we had to leave, that we had to move and I felt like everything was wrecked and now...I sit in my home after spending the evening with my church family.  I'm exhausted from the day but I've seen so much beauty all day. New friendships. New relationships. New children to love. New people to serve. New opportunities. And I see it all....not the wreck. But I see this new perfect. This perfectly perfect plan that at first looked so imperfect and now....I'm pretty thankful that God wrecked my plan because His plan is always so much better.

When was a time you felt like God wrecked your perfect plan but it ended up so much more beautiful then you thought?

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