Thursday, September 18, 2014

offense, fights and body slams

 Recently Ive seen post after post after post about things that offend people, hurt people, bother people. And granted there are some good ones and worthy ones to be upset about. We all know about the Kanye West mess. It was ridiculous and idiotic of him and honestly if for some crazy reason (heaven help me) that was Toby sitting there at his concert I would have flipped my lid for my child to be pointed out and put on the spot, humiliated and otherwise.  and really doesn't he just look like a total jerk.

I originally had mixed emotions about the whole thing when I first started watching all the shares and posts popping up.  At first horrified and then just irritated that there was ONE MORE THING that I had to get all witchy about. Was it just a harmless mistake that was turned into a big deal by the lovely media.  But then as I thought on it more it really was a big deal. It really was offensive and wrong.    had a fantastic response to the whole thing. It was well thought out and not terribly emotionally charged. It just made sense. It was wrong. And here is why. I love those type of posts.

But then again there are those things that just aren't big deals. And we  post about them and get all crazy. And we comment to each other the horror of it all. We practically pat each others backs for getting offended.

Tonight I read this blog entry titled, "When did we start hating big families."  Honestly I clicked on the link and read it, thinking Id be fist pumping the air, sharing the blog on my facebook and all us mommies of big families can comment on the horror of it all.  But when all was said and done and I sat there. I just couldn't share it. None of it really rang personally true to me. When people say "Whoa you got your hands full."  I don't think they are commenting on the fact that I have too many. Or that they wish some of my children weren't alive. But good grief that's how we can react. I merely say, "a really good full."   On the back of my car I have a vinyl that says, "if you think my hands are full you should see my heart." it wasn't because i got so many bad comments every time I went out but more in a way to make sure those commentators knew how awesome this was. This life of mine. Its AWESOME.  BUT FOR REAL, MY HANDS ARE FULL. I AGREE. Sometimes people even say, "You know how this works right?" or my least favorite "You need to get a TV in your bedroom." But honestly do they mean harm by it? I really don't think so. Dumb comments? sure. Harm? not so much. I cant say that Ive had any big family haters and honestly the thought seems a little crazy to me. Everywhere we go I get comments on our family, some odd, some not so thought out, but never straight up hateful.  And honestly for every odd comment there has been 2 great sweet encouraging comments. (and trust me I'm sure there are hateful people out there that would love to tell me to use birth control and all kinds of stuff but for us it just hasn't happened and I don't think society as a whole feels that way)

Another example.

A few weeks ago I was scrolling through my newsfeed at a doctors office and this popped up
because of Wren's eye issues. (nystagmus and possibly occular albinism) I'm a part of a group called "Little Four Eyes" Its a support group for moms of kids in glasses and such. And let me tell you they were freaking out about this!!! A school had put this up for the science fair. Again, at first I was like "THE SHAME."  And then I was like, "wait, what? really?"  Is this really a huge deal.  I mean really. Dumb move by the school, But really awful, horrible, formal letter complaint? I don't know about that.  I think some of the parents need to realize that "being nerdy" is kinda in.  (I only know that cause Nate's back working with Youth for the time)  But these mommies (now not every one) were horrified by this.  And of course everyone commented and patted each other on the back and discussed the woes of how hard it is. (Which honestly, when you have a kid in a wheelchair its a little hard to feel too sorry for a 5 year old in glasses when they don't have a serious eye issue. )  But really, I just didn't get the horror of it. I didn't understand how horribly offensive this image is.

Sometimes I think us mommy's are such strong fighters for our kids because a lot of times we have to be. But sometimes because we are so used to fighting our first reaction is to body slam someone. (and yes Ive been the body slammer and the body slammed)  If I take myself out of my situation, baby with eye issues and Toby in his chair or crutches would I know how to perfectly respond or know what to do.  I know we all hear ADVOCATE. STAND UP. PROTECT. and yes absolutely we should. But trust me when I say I think can we do more damage than harm sometimes. I think so. Ive stared down a few moms that haven't handled things well with questions from their kids. Ive been ready freak the freak out on some.  Ive  seen posts of people chewing out someone.  I wonder if sometimes we make people afraid to ever talk to someone in a wheelchair. Do we scare them off with our ferocious body slams because they didn't use the terms we like.  They aren't in our shoes and in our situation. What would we be like if we we rent here. We might just be saying some dumb junk ourselves.  honestly, Im pretty stinking sure I would be.  
What you didn't use the correct term for disability??! BODY SLAM.  What you used the term disability, don't you know its differently abled!!?  BODY SLAM. You didn't bend down when you spoke to my son?! BODY SLAM. You bent down when you spoke to my son, do you think hes a baby!? BODY SLAM. 
 I mean really these poor friends of ours. I really am all for educating and teaching and helping people understand what is appropriate and whats not. But sometimes I think we have a long list of  "rules" and people ended walking around trying their best to not offend us. Or they just avoid us because well chances are we are going to be offended anyway.  And we just keep freaking the freak out. 

maybe when it really is time to freak out, maybe people aren't listening as closely because we just about pooed our pants about the past 7 things that didn't actually matter.

We are fighters. We fight for our kids in glasses. We fight for our big families. We fight for our kids in wheelchairs.  

And I applaud you because I do the same. 

but maybe.....just maybe we need to make sure its really a fight before we


(im a little afraid of getting body slammed for this post)

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