Thursday, May 13, 2010

Three to Four in Six days

It has taken me some time to decide to blog this or not. There are just certain parts of our lives that dont belong on blogs dont really need to be opened up for everyone to see, read or feel. But there are those parts that are still good to share whether or not they be hard.

Toby's birthday is in 6 days. Pretty big deal. It's the big 4!!!

Now I'm sure you are thinking that the last statement doesnt seem to go along with the first paragraph, but for me it does.

There is one problem with this birthday for me. 4 seems so much bigger than 3! This birthday is a big deal for me because I feel like the difference between Toby and other children will become more apparent. Yes, its only 6 days older than he is today, but now when someone asks I 'll have to say, "He's 4." And then you get the surprised look. The surprised look is always a bummer.

So even though his birthday in and of itself is incredible. I can remember being in the hospital with him like it was yesturday (and if you ask Larie that's pretty remarkable for my memory) The thought of his disability seeming .....stronger....that's not the right word, but I think you get it. Is a bummer.

As I write this out, I realize how incredibly flawed my thinking is. Isnt it funny when you see something written down that you realize how you arent focusing on the right thing. The last few days I've been focusing on the things Toby cant do. (I guess this proves I am not super mom) I've been focusing on the learning issues, the struggles, the hard parts. When in fact as it gets closer to his birthday I should be focused on all the things he CAN do.

So everyone, you are being a witness to a change in heart as I write. Funny how God works. Yes, this birthday will still be hard, yes it will still be a bummer to say that he's four and someone react shocked,but that's okay, because now im going to write a few of the things we have accomplished this year.... just a few.

Walking ALL THE TIME!!
Climbing in and out of his car seat
Going down a small step with his walker
Singing in the car
Wanting his braces on
Going Potty
Working on arm crutches
Putting the wheelchair in storage

So, looking at that list makes me realize.,,maybe three to four isnt so bad after all. we've had a pretty eventful year three!! Maybe four will be even better!!


Scasmflops said...

I like you was extremely convicted by this post-- thank you. As I posted my 6 month post my mind played in all the things that he couldn't do yet... no is when I am starting to see the differences, and everybody has begun the questions. "Oh, so he's crawling and into everything isn't he?" I hear that all the time right now, and it is so very hard to keep my focus on Christ as it should be.
I do want you know I am so amazed and so proud of how much Toby has accomplished in the 7 months since we've met. And I am so proud of you.

Anonymous said...

I love u friend! Toby amazes me every day! We r so blessed to know him. And honestly, I don't even really see his handicap anymore. I just see TOBY & we love him.

Colleen said...

Nate's going to be 4 in about 6 weeks, and I'm totally in denial! I will continue to answer "3" until his actual birthday--none of this "almost 4" business.
I have to say I'm impressed he can get in and out of his carseat, cause I'm still working with Nate on that, and it doesn't seem close!

Jack Eherenman said...

It is nice to see what he is doing. Keep track of HIS personal milestones and focus on that, not on how he compares to what everyone else is doing. Set the pace according to what he can do and accomplish. He will continue to amaze you with his energy and his hard work and effort. Each milestone is a real joy because of his accomplishment. You are blessed.

TXchick said...

There is no statement that says that supermoms are perfect...we're all human and capable of being down in the's always nice when we write and God gives us a change of heart about what we're dealing with. May be the reason that you say that you saw his disability as stronger was because you know that as he gets older he will notice (and OTHERS will notice)the differences and he'll fully be able to express how he feels about it which will make the pain you feel stronger.....but God's always got your're a strong mom...(of three kids AND you're younger than me) supermom: yes you are still one...God won't put more on us than we can bear...