perfection

When did perfect become the new standard?

I'm not sure what happened along the way, but somewhere in my Christian walk I decided (as I know many have) that perfection was and is the only way.

And really it kind of got worse with my Bible reading. I was growing, enjoying, seeking and learning so much. I was changing some here and there. But not this awesome overnight amazing awestruck all my friends and family can tell a difference type of change.

 More of a, hey I would have said that horrible awful thing that just popped into my head and I didn't. 

that felt like a very minuscule success.

or a don't think that thought, don't judge that person, don't look at their sin look at yours battles going on in my head

when i would have just thought them

again....a tiny speck of success on my large grand scale of perfection. 

 I felt like I was failing. Failing God. Failing Christianity and feeling like The Bible didnt have the power it claimed to have. Or maybe it was just plain me. There was something wrong with me.

Nates dumb ol sermon on fear has taunted me in my mind for a while now. The Bible never says its okay to fear. SAY WHAT????!!!!  Not cool Nate. Not cool.

I am struck with huge gigantic title waves of fear on a regular basis when I think of Wren and the unknowns.

Again failing.

Then I started reading in Acts. Acts is long. I trudged through Acts. Dont get me wrong. Its awesome. Its good. and we ALL KNOW ALL SCRIPTURE IS WORTH IT.

But I really started noticing the beauty in Acts. Not necessarily the miracles and the cool things the disciples did but I was getting glimpses of humanity.

Humanity. Mistakes. Not quite perfect Christians

Paul and Barnabas fought and actually left each other. The people praying for Paul to get out of jail didnt believe he was at the gate actually out of jail. Paul might have preached a little long winded.  the poor guy who fell asleep and fell out the window because Paul preached so long.

But in that there is Grace. 

Paul still did amazing things for God. Paul did get out of jail which means that those (not quite so perfectly believing Christians) had their not so perfect prayers answered. (maybe their faith wasn't even as big as a mustard seed.) Paul said amazing things and many people believed on Christ.  And oh the poor guy that fell out of the window, Eutychus, was raised up again.

Beautiful Amazing Grace.

 Beautiful Amazing Humanity.

When was perfection the answer? When did the Bible lose power just because I messed up?

My story isn't finished yet. God still has lots and lots of work to do on me. But I'm praying that as I am learning and growing and striving towards sanctification. That people can look at me and say
....
YUP humanity....
.                        BUT oh that beautiful amazing grace.

Because truly that is what my life story is. Lots and Lots of Humanity, but mixed in is even more beautiful amazing Grace. 

Psalm 28:7 The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him."

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