Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Got Grace?

Two blogs in Two days???  My kids must be really well behaved lately or my house must really be a mess.  Ill let you use your imagination of how I have time for this.

Yesterday a dear friend of mine posted an article about breastfeeding.  I'll sum it up for you. Sometimes breast feeding doesn't work out for everyone, sometimes you have reasons for not choosing to nurse. and that's okay. The whole point of the article is that's okay.

This sweet friend posted this article with me in mind. And Ill tell you why. Ill share my secret.

Ready.....

I'm not nursing Wren.

After trying and trying and trying for weeks. After her landing in the hospital with jaundice because she wasn't eating and her bilirubin was sky rocketing I decided to give her a bottle. With much sadness I stuck that bottle in her mouth in a gloomy hospital room with a nurse standing over me. It was lonely, sad, devastating, and depressing. I had lactation consultant after lactation consultant talk to me on the phone, come see me and even a doula try to help with nursing. I did it all and well she just wouldn't nurse. I was seriously fighting depression and would cry at every mention of it.  This is after nursing all of my kids (none of which smoothly in which I fought for months of bleeding and crying and in horrible pain) but we fought through. (toby was the only other one I didn't nurse long and that was again because of the hospital, but again after 4 weeks of driving to the NICU trying to nurse him as much as I could)

So here comes the whole point.....remember the word rambling is in the blog title.

This sweet friend posted this article to encourage me. And what happened? Well to be honest this sweet friend tried to shield me from the remarks, but sometimes that doesn't always happen.

A woman, A believer of Jesus. A follower of Christ. A mom.

Lacked Grace

With no thought of circumstance, with no thought of the pain she might cause, we no thought of any belief but her own, with no thought of anyone but herself she typed words and commented and well

Lacked Grace

A lady who has no idea that my daughter and I have been in the hospital 3xs counting her birth. That this was after having 2 hospitals stays with my son just months before. That I'm trying to balance ministry, homeschooling, being a wife, a  mom and a friend all while trying to nurse. AND that I tried. I did. tried and tried and tried. That I sat with person after person trying to make it work.

And ya know. It just made me sad. Ill be honest. It made me sad for me. Because every time I bring out her bottle I struggle with feeling ashamed. I struggle with wanting to explain our story to people when I put the formula in my grocery cart. Im not even being dramatic. Its humiliating to me. It makes me feel like less of a mom to Wren. It makes me feel vulnerable and like everyone is judging. I hate it.  And guess who did that? Guess who has made moms feel like that (not just me) MOMS!!

Women. Believers of Jesus. Followers of Christ. Moms.

This situation. Yes, made me sad for me. But then it also made me sad for her and for other times that Ive been in her shoes.

Where is our Grace for each other? When did we begin to take our beliefs and decide they were the only way? When did we decide what people should discipline for? How much tv every child should or shouldn't watch? How fits and tantrums should be dealt with? What children should or shouldn't eat?

When did it become okay to snub our noses at the moms who drive through McDonalds? To roll our eyes when we see a child screaming in a store?

Where is our grace for one other?

Women. Believers of Jesus. Followers of Christ. Moms

John 13:34  I John 4:7-8 I Corinthians 16:14 I Peter 4:8

Is the Bible unclear? Have we become unaware of what love is and what it looks like?

I don't think so. We've chosen. And together we've made it okay. 

We've all lacked grace, myself included.

Us. Together.

Women. Believers of Jesus. Followers of Christ. Moms.

We've lacked grace for one another. We've snubbed our noses. Rolled our eyes. Shared articles pointedly. Made comments pointedly. Tried to "teach" those who "just don't get it."  And what have we done.
We've shown our hearts. We've shown what we think of Jesus said.
That is unimportant. unnecessary. or doesn't apply to this situation.

So after this long ramble. I've had to ask myself and I hope you will ask yourself.

Got Grace?
Truly take a deep look and step back from your interactions with other women and ask yourself.
 Do you have Grace?


2 comments:

Rachel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rachel said...

This is how I feel about having to give birth via c-section instead of naturally.