Monday, November 2, 2009

Our Story...Back to the Beginning II

This is just a continuation of the previous entry.....
so don't read this until you've read the first part of the story.

Nate was working at a car dealership at the time and he got off work to make sure he could go to my appointment with me. I had no idea that walking through those office doors would change my life forever. The nurses were incredibly kind and were talking happily and telling me all the things they were seeing. Then they became quiet. They were still friendly, but they kept looking at the spine and taking pictures. Then the big giveaway happened. They moved me and my husband to another room. They wanted to get better pictures of the baby on a 3-D ultrasound machine. I kept telling Nate that something was wrong.
“It’s taking too long.” I said.
He just patted my hand and told me to wait to see what the doctor said.
Then another giveaway. The doctor came in and kept patting my leg and asking me if I was okay lying down while they were doing more pictures. I said I was fine. I was too afraid to ask any questions, but I knew.
Then the next step. The doctor left and a nurse came in and directed us to an office. It was a small room with a large recliner in the corner, two chairs in the other corner, a doctor's stool and a small desk with a small television. The nurse directed me to the recliner, which I sat in until she left the room. As soon as she left I moved to one of the two small chairs in the corner next to Nate. It was just a couple minutes when Dr. Greig came in the door. He pulled up the stool right in front of us and said, “Well, it’s not good news.” That’s when everything came spilling out. I don’t even remember everything that was said. I remember things like, “wheelchair, kidney function, walk for a while, good quality of life, defect” I cried. It seemed almost fake to me. I remember thinking I shouldn’t be crying; I should be in shock. Shock should be coming first, not tears. So after one loud sob and the doctor patting my knee and telling me that it was okay to cry--I dried up. For some reason having Dr. Greig give me permission to cry made me want to stop. We didn’t get a lot of information that day. Dr. Greig didn’t want to overwhelm us. I remember thinking, "I need to keep a good testimony." So I heard myself saying, “God won’t give us more than we can handle.” Of course I said that before I knew all of the ins and outs of Spina Bifida. At that point I had no idea what our life was going to entail.

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