I wrote this a couple years ago. I wanted to start keeping track of everything I felt and everything that went on during the beginning of our new normal. I know that some of the women reading this blog are pregnant with babies who will have spina bifida. I wanted to share my story, especially for you.
“Don’t worry. This is just a precaution. We are sending you to a specialist. I really don’t think anything is wrong.” All of these words were said to us by our sweet Doctor Price after my eighteen week sonogram. He explained to us that something looked funny about the baby’s head, but everything else looked great. The doctor only thought the baby’s head looked flat on one side because of the way he was positioned in the womb. For safety’s sake only, we were sent to a specialist in fetal monitoring. We had the sonogramist write on a piece of paper the sex of our baby and seal it in an envelope. We wanted to find out by ourselves. My husband was hoping for a boy, and secretly I was too. We got in the car and looked at the envelope.
“Maybe we should wait.” I said.
My husband wanted to open it. The words of my doctor kept going through my mind. “Don’t worry.” Nate said.
I couldn’t help it; I was worried. He used the term Spina Bifida. It was the first time I had ever heard those words. I had no idea what that even meant, but was too embarrassed to ask.
“Let’s open it.”
I was excited, and so I said okay. He opened it from the front seat.
“It’s a boy.” he said.
“No way. No way. You’re kidding.” I thought he was just being mean. I didn’t believe it 'til I saw the simple yellow sticky note, with “It’s a boy! Congratulations!” written on it. I cried. I jumped up and down on my seat and cried. On the way home I made the traditional phone calls to parents, family and friends. The only thing different was that I added, “There might be something that’s not quite right, but probably nothing.” We picked up our daughter from the babysitter, and that’s when I started really worrying. What in the world is Spina Bifida? I need to be prepared. I need to know before this specialist appointment so I don’t look like an idiot! So I called my Best Friend Larie who had just moved into town, and we went to Barnes and Noble and looked up special needs children and tried to find something on Spina Bifida. I found very little. I kept getting confused with other terms and mental retardation. I honestly thought it was the same thing as Downs Syndrome. So I left with my mind spinning even more than before and more worried than before.